Miss USA Believes in Evolution, Definitely, and Marijuana, Kind of

Thank God my mother didn’t catch this year’s Miss USA pageant on TV. I mean, I missed it, too—does anyone between the ages of 13 and 60 watch it anymore? (And do let me know in the comments if you did, weirdos. I just know there’s one 40-year-old dude here who turned off his cell phone and popped himself some kettle corn.)

Oh, mom. The times, they are a-changin’: this year’s pageant winner, Alyssa Campanella of California, believes that evolution should be taught in schools. (That stance isn’t incredible on its own, no, but it likely came as a shock to the all-important Bible Belt demographic.) Miss Campanella is one of only two contestants who announced, point-blank, a belief in the theory of evolution at all. Most pageant contestants either said that intelligent design and evolution should be taught in schools (zzz), while the rest seemed to misunderstand the question.

Her argument isn’t very structured, no, but apparently Miss Campanella’s candor gave her a competitive edge:

Unprecedented! Miss USA 2011 also spoke in favor of medical marijuana, kind of:

Well, I understand why that question would be asked, especially with today’s economy, but I also understand that medical marijuana is very important to help with those who need it, m-medically? Uh. I’m not sure, if it should be legalized, if it would really affect, you know, with the drug wars—I mean, it’s abused today? Unfortunately? So that’s the only reason why I would kind of be a little bit against it, but medically it’s okay? So… that’s my answer.

Last year’s pageant winner, Rima Fakih of Michigan, was the first Muslim crowned Miss USA! Betcha didn’t know that! How could you? You have never watched a Miss USA pageant in your life.