The Situation’s Book Is Going to Be Fresh to Death

If you thought The Situation was just a pretty face with a hot body*, then you must be kicking yourself right now, huh?  You must feel like a real dunce looking at this book cover that showcases such a promise of literary prowess from a man who just seconds ago you were probably imagining naked in your bedroom.  Shame on you.  This man has so much more to give than dazzling looks and a obscene amount of charm, and if you don’t believe me, then check out some of these excerpts from Here’s the Situation, which will be released on November 2:

On fashion: No matter what T-shirt you select, whether it’s fitted, graphic, sequined, bedazzled, crew-neck, deep-V, wifebeater, or what-have-you, it’s about being proud of who you are. If you want to bust out a deep-V that’s safety-cone orange because you think that’s your color, then wear the hell out of that fruity shirt so everybody in the club knows that nobody owns it like you do. Set the trends, don’t follow them. I wear what makes me feel good because I’m at the tip of the spear—the cutting edge of fashion that’s fresh to death.

On fist-pumping: You’ve got to beat back that beat. Battle it, bro. You can’t let it win. The deep, thumping bass seizes hold of your every corpuscle. Let the beat strip away those last vestiges of self-conscious embarrassment as you pound, pound, pound the air into rhythmic submission. Battle harder. Keep battling, dawg. Never surrender.

On haters: Whenever you attempt to do something extraordinary in your life,whenever you put yourself out there in an attempt to succeed and in turn risk falling flat on your face, there are going to be people on the sidelines second-guessing you and making fun of you as a mechanism to disguise their own fear and envy for the life they’re watching you achieve. Those people are called haters. Attention, haters: It’s been a lot longer than fifteen minutes.

I believe that last bit is deserving of an “oh, snap.”

*Pause on the sarcasm – his abs always look weird, right?  Is that just me?