Now We Know Where Nicole Richie’s Getting Her Adderall

Apparently Paris Hilton’s “mystery” illness is … drum roll … ADD.

ADD?

AD fucking D???

Attention. Deficit. Disorder.

That was the serious medical issue that prompted the Sheriff to release her from jail early?

Look, folks, I’m not a doctor, but I’m not under the impression that Paris Hilton was being asked to, you know, take geometry in the slammer. And I know about one billion people with ADD, many of whom have decided voluntarily not to take their medication for it, and they all survive just fine. Many of them are, in fact, far more productive (although less economically impactful) members of society than Ms. Hilton. This is complete and utter bullshit.

Is the L.A. County jail system just going to make a habit of releasing everyone with ADD now? Is that the new plan, guys?

Jesus H. Christ.